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May. 12th, 2009

funny :)


Apr. 13th, 2009

(no subject)

The man in the room said, "Underneath every skirt is a slip".  I found this halerious; how true it is hahaha!

He then, after his joke, said "I speak to the man up on the hill and he helps me".

I said, "I speak to the hill and the universe helps me".

We shared in this vibrationally and agreed upon it's likeness.

Apr. 12th, 2009

What's the meaning of life? What is love?

Adam always asks me 2 questions: 
What's the meaning of life?
and
What is love?

Over the last several years I've tried to find a good answer for him.  Tonight I think I did kind of ok. 

The meaning of life is to find meaning in life. 

Love is infatuation x infinity.
OR
Love = fries with ketchup and mayonnaise; it depends on your perspective.


ramblings

The most Easter-like thing I do is eat candy.  No family dinners, no painting eggs, no bunnies.  Sephie told me that she painted an egg yellow and ate it, now that I could get in to especially with her.  Alas, I am stuck in NoHo.  I don't think my family is doing anything and even so I don't really want to.  I might get to see Adam tonight which would rock, I miss him lots.  I'll probably go to Renée's place once I get my lazy ass out of bed.  I wanted to hang out with my roomie but her bf's got her whipped so lord knows when I'll see her again.

I can't tell if I'm hungry.  This has been an issue lately, I'm never hungry.  Although there are times, like last night, that I will eat merely because it's THAT GOOD.  Last night Jerry made shrimp scampy and it was AMAZING *drool* I totally had multiple foodgasms like you wouldn't believe.  The dude went all out.  I'm back to not hungry again though, trying to figure out what I could possibly shove down my throat.

I dreamt last night that I got a kitten.  I want a kitten.  I go crazy without a furball. >^..^<
Renée shares Apollo with me for now:


Apr. 11th, 2009

Small Town

The people who live here say that this isn't a small town because there are even smaller towns surrounding.  After living in Philly and in Springfield (which hardly counts as a city at all but has lots of people) this IS a small town to me.  The way things get around here is absolutely retarded.  People making shit up and then playing the inevitable kindergarden telephone game.  If it's not about one person it's another; pisses me off.  I shouldn't let it get to me because it's petty but it's always there.  I suppose after while I might be able to numb myself to it, perhaps laugh about it.  Sometimes I laugh about it anyway, the silly things that come up about me.  I never did the sketchy 50yr old man who lived nearby, I never kissed that girl who is madly in love (not in love) with me, I am not two-faced, I don't snitch, I don't do drugs, I don't do porn, and I'm not 20 ys old (though it's nice to think that some might assume that I'm young enough to be a Smithie).

I need to meet knew people here.  I want to associate with people who are HEALTHY for me.  This is just... exhausting and juvenile.

I need to meet people who are open-minded and non-judgemental.  Not those who SAY they are but those who actually ARE.  It's hard to find genuine people in this world but they're out there, more than one would think.  

Why I never post

I stopped posting on a regular basis for a few reasons:
1) Gossip
2) Privacy
3) Internet access

I want to post regularly again but I feel that I can't be honest in my postings without being absolutely cryptic and vague; metaphorical.  Sometimes I just want to be blunt without writing some sonnet about why I hate _______.  You know?  I'm not quite sure how to address this but I guess it will work itself out.

Things that are ok to say:
- I'm doing alright.
- I miss my baby but I am going to see her soon!
- My girlfriend makes me happy.
- I <3 Blade too.
- I'm trying to get going on taking some more pictures but it's been a bit slow due to technical difficulties, yuck.
- I have been drawing portraits for people.  I did one of Persephone which I will scan someday.  It hangs above my dresser.
- I got to hang out with Michelle last night, she took me out for dinner and it rocked.
- I am doing a lot of soul searching and I think I am making some progress.
- I have been learning Native American flute and doing pretty well at it so I'm told.  I can make it pretty anyway.
- My flute tells on me.
- I have found that I cannot sleep while wearing socks.

I'll try not to be a stranger so much...

Jan. 7th, 2009

Hahaha I love Sinfest


Jan. 3rd, 2009

lmao wtf?

"We're walking around the forest, in America, at night.  Do you have any idea how dangerous this is? We could DIE!"  direct quote from the show Most Haunted

Jan. 1st, 2009

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I'm still searching for a resolution...

Dec. 17th, 2008

Paris Life Models Protest Naked

Dec. 16th, 2008

I'm going to WICKED FAIRE this FEB and so should you!




 

Dec. 13th, 2008

I have been awake for far too long...

God it's been awhile since I've gone this long without sleep.  I don't even know how long "this long" is.  LOL! 

Dec. 12th, 2008

The rumors are true!

Yeah, it didn't take long for it to get around.... but it's true!  It really is! 
 

Solstyce Calé Studios will withhold RAW images and prints until fully compensated as agreed upon previous to creating said images.

I will take on a limited amount of TFP/CD so don't be afraid to ask.  I'm not a complete hardass but guys, seriously, I cannot live off of good intentions.  Good will doesn't pay for basic needs in a poor, declining economy.  I'm open but I'm limited!

Artists and photographers need to eat! 

Dec. 5th, 2008

Tarot


Your result for Which Tarot Card Represents Your Higher Self? Test...

The Star

4 0Fool, -1 1Magician, 8 2Priestess, 2 3Empress, 2 4Emperor, -1 5Hierophant, 2 6Lovers, 2 7Chariot, 2 8Strength, -1 9Hermit, -1 10WheelOfFortune, 2 11Justice, -1 12HangedMan, -1 13Death, 2 14Temperance, 2 15Devil, -1 16Tower, 10 17Star, 4 18Moon, 3 19Sun, -1 20Judgement and -1 21World!

Whenever all hope seems lost, it will reappear to prove that you have really lost nothing, except perhaps your sight of the path to enlightenment. And in the absence of that sight, the Star will light your way. Its light is not a blinding flash like the lightning bolt of the Tower, but a soft radiating glow that warms and comforts, rather than burning and destroying. You must remember that both of these energies ultimately come from the same place in the sky - from Heaven. After the light of the Tower destroys the false path you were following, the kinder and gentler light of the Star will lead you back to the right path.


In terms of symbolism this card is similar to Temperance; there is a figure by a pool with two cups. But while the contents of the Cups were mixed with each other in Temperance, here they are mixed with the waters of the eternal spirit of the Divine. When you cannot help yourself, the Star tells you to look to the heavens for guidance. Or, more appropriately, look to the spark of divinity that lies within yourself that you could not see or acknowledge before. Each of us has a little piece of the Star deep inside, waiting to cast its light into the world to light the way. This is what Crowley meant when he affirmed that "every man and every woman is a star."


The Star is a card of faith, both in your own power, and in powers greater than your own. When the Tower sweeps away all the negativity in your life, you once again need something to fill the void, and faith is a good place to start. What exactly is faith? It could be said that faith is a conscious belief in an unconscious experience, of which we may not be directly aware, but of which we can still feel the effects. This definition fits both belief in a deity and belief in your own abilities. Having faith in any power will allow that power to manifest in your life. Beleiving that something will happen is as sure a way as any to make it happen.


There is a lot of meditative imagery on almost all renditions of the Star, though the most interesting symbol on the Rider-Waite version of the card is the pool of water at the center of the scene. On some decks the naked woman is standing in the pool, but in the Rider-Waite version she kneels beside it. Notice that her right foot rests on the water but does not break the surface. Once faith is placed in its power, the pool of the subconscious becomes able to support the conscious mind. The miraculous ability to walk on water is symbolically translated here into the ability to trust in another power, whether in the heavens or in yourself. Once that trust is achieved, anything is possible.


There are few cards more positive than the Star, because when it appears in your life it is nothing less than a beacon of hope and inspiration. In times of darkness it shows that there is a way out, and tells you not to worry, for illumination and freedom are at hand. All you need is something in which to place your faith. So trust in yourself, and in whatever powers you believe control the universe, to help you through difficult times. Let the infinite energy of the Star warm you and rejuvenate your soul, to provide the strength and the clarity of purpose you need to continue on your journey.


It is important to keep in mind, however, that the Star is never a card that shows the final solution to any problem. It simply shows the hope and faith to get to wherever you're going; without hope we can accomplish nothing, but hope is only a beginning. Now that you have been inspired, you still have much work to do in order to bring your vision into manifestation. You must combine the solidity of material existence with the waters of your emotions and of your spirit. This is a time when miracles can happen, so kick off your shoes and wade into the pool, confident that the water will support you until you reach the other side.


Take Which Tarot Card Represents Your Higher Self? Test
at HelloQuizzy

Open mic poetry - photos


On my way out. Why do I always look so serious in my photos?


Renée and I


Michelle and I - the first pic of us together in a LONG time


I think this is one of the last pics taken of Michelle and I... I think I was 20, 21?


Renée


Just got home... trying not to look so serious

Open mic poetry

I went to an open mic poetry night @ Café Evolution last night.  I actually read a few pieces, I haven't done that in years.  Not since Fire and Water closed.  Actually that's not entirely true, there was once in Jester's Café and maybe a handful of times at The Black Sheep.  Anyway, Fire and Water had a big impact on my life and I'm glad I was able to be in a place who's owners are the same.  Michelle read, Kay read, Renée read, each having words which flowed fluidly into the crowd encompassing each spectator like a blanket.  I've missed this.

Here is one that I did:

Alice
inside of my dreams it oftentimes seems
that things are never quite right
a metaphor mess of analogy chess
where black rook takes white knight
and when I am dreaming with images streaming

across my mental plateau

isolation may be the ultimate key

but then again how would i know?

looking for a rabbit hole
deep enough to fill my soul
there's motion on the grassy knoll
and then I spy
with my eye
Alice looking
awfully sly
was it me
or could it be
when I saw her
she saw me
and she and I
and Oswald, we
together killed
young Kennedy

and i lay still upon the grass
a victim of the looking glass


the dream is flown to where unknown
on wings of ravens' plumes
and in my mind the porter comes
to fill my empty rooms
abandoned by those outbound dreams
with dismals depths and dark extremes:

(Eliot said we're better off dead
without so many words
and Hitchcock said I like them dead
so leave it to the birds)

out across the Wasteland gliding
there's a blueshift that is guiding
me toward a vast dominion
underneath the raven's pinion
subpsychotic half neurotic
that's a matter of opinion
dealing here with only facts
two points of view form parallax
and if in time the lines connect
the truth is where they intersect.

Dec. 1st, 2008

web cam/cam phone pics


Trying on funny hats @ Faces with [info]pgnblade 


A slightly updated photo


Renee and I goofing around @ 3am


My little girl



I need $$$

No one is hiring. I've been trying to find another job to fill in the gaps between photoshoots. Sure it's the holiday season but there's a considerable amount of people who can't afford my work this year. I get a gig here and there. I have been putting in applications everywhere that I can find... so far all I have been told is that they'd keep me on file because they *might* be hiring. If anyone knows of anyone hiring in western mass pleeeeease let me know!

Nov. 14th, 2008

I waaaaaaant ooooone and so should you!

Nov. 9th, 2008

(no subject)

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

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